Thursday, April 2, 2015

A Blast From the Past!


I think you might enjoy some of the past April Fool's Jokes!
Recap of Past April 1st Columns


 
Thursday, April 1, 2010

Recreational Fee Program

In an effort to help control increasing costs a new recreational fee program will be implemented by Oct 1st. Residents may purchase a variety of recreational programs that best meet their needs.

The following monthly packages will be offered:

  • Pool/Spa
  • Tennis
  • Petanque
  • Water Volleyball
  • Evening Programs (may include dances and other events utilizing the pavilion facilities)
  • To help residents achieve the most out of their recreational costs, we will offer a series of subscription tiers:

Basic - choose one recreational program for a low rate of $10/month or $100 annually
  • Bronze - choose two programs for a low rate of $15/month or $150 annually
  • Silver - choose three programs for a low rate of $18/monthly or $180 annually
  • Gold - all recreational programs for a low rate of $20/monthly or $200 annually

Offering these programs helps ensure residents are only paying for the entertainment that meets their needs. Entertainment cards will be issued documenting the appropriate program for your subscription. To obtain more information on these programs please see Karen at the Office or contact Jon at lot 221. 
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Friday, April 1, 2011

Security Measures

Message from the powers that be:

 
As you are all aware we had a little incident

 a few weeks ago involving several teenagers breaking

into Sandpipers with resulting police activity.

In the interest of resort security it has been decided that

we need to wear ID name tags with lot number also visible.

*

Those residents owning premium lots have the option

of gold embossing around the edge of their ID card.

The tags of ordinary people with ordinary lots will be outlined in colors to match the Sandpiper palm tree/sun logo.

*

Tom will be available to take pictures

and lanyards will be supplied by the office.

 Check soon to have the best pick of colors.

*

The ID picture cards will be encased in plastic with an opening for folding money which will come in handy...buying food from Flip Flopz for example, or tickets to our many fun events.

 

It is requested that you wear your ID name tags

 inside and outside the park, for several reasons.

*

 First, it is a great way to advertise our wonderful resort (tho in keeping with local sensibilities we will leave the word "nudist" out and just have Sandpipers Resort prominently displayed.)

*

 Second, and perhaps even more importantly,
our residents are not getting any younger
 and a reminder of where you live may come in handy, not to mention if you forget your name.

*

I know most of you will welcome this increased security measure and your support is appreciated.
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April 1, 2012

More Updates From The Office.

Here are a few more notes from Karen:
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Have you noticed the HUGE numbers of little fruit flies EVERYWHERE?

It's that time of year but I can't remember any other time

when they have been such a problem...so,

TEMPORARILY...

 there will be a banana ban at Sandpipers. 
Nothing attracts fruit flies like bananas do.

Please act responsibly and remove all bananas from our midst. 


You will be notified when it is safe to purchase bananas again.

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It has come to the attention of management that a few of you have been irresponsibly feeding wildlife with the resultant problem of unacceptable waste products being deposited on

lawns, cars and, gasp, people!

If you must feed the birds please get a signed waiver from your neighbors and leave a copy with the office. 
To make it a bit easier a link to the required form
is included below. 
 Just print it out in triplicate and get your neighbors
 on either side to sign,
 then leave two copies with the office.
Keep one for your own records.

 

 
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A really hot topic is the future of RV storage at Sandpipers.  Management has been able to rent space quite near the park and is working with the owners (a really nice goat herding family) to house our extra cars, carts, trailers and RV's in their field. 
 Payment should be made directly to them and in a timely manner so they can continue making improvements on the site, as they only work with the money they have on hand. 

 Right now the goats are hard at work eating the thorny shrubs that house the rodents and snakes that infest the field so it shouldn't be too long before the field is ready for us. 
 And is it secure, you ask!??
  Barbed wire surrounds the field. 
Keeps the goats in and the vandals out...
the only thing is...make sure your hoses and cords are well tucked away.  Goats will eat anything, which we are counting on to keep the grass mowed.
 Check it out when you are driving down Seminary Rd. 

It's at the corner of Seminary and 2812.



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It has come to this...the world is apparently watching

Sandpipers Resort on You Tube! 

For the immediate future please be aware

that apparently the crop dusters and/or helicopters

 we routinely see over the resort are filming us.

 
  Please move any salacious activities indoors for awhile. 

Check the link below to see if you have been compromised!
 

You Tube Video Featuring Sandpipers Resort

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I hope that this answers many of the speculations that have been floating around the park. As always, if you have further questions, please feel free to come to the office
 and discuss the matter with me.
 Oh, and by the way, we have been advised by the flooring company that the use of shoes is contributing to the deterioration
 of the office floor surface...
 and cloth fibers are clogging the AC filters!
 Consequently, when the office is open
there will be no shoes and no clothing allowed.

Our goal has always, and will continue to be,
to provide our guests with a
 "safe, beautiful and congenial" resort.
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Monday, April 1, 2013

Caring Adults, Cheerful Attitudes  

There has been some grousing over a few of the new rules here at Sandpipers...rules which really are only intended to make our resort even more beautiful and more perfect than it already is,  and to make us more beautiful and perfect nudists.

New command:  Within the Sandpiper fence all must be nude at all times.  This is a 'nudist' resort and thus ALL shall be nude, ALWAYS!   
 

I think most peeps understand that feeding birds
 only leads to attracting large flocks, 
and eating in non-designated eating zones, 
such as bird feeders or for that matter, JAKZ,
 is not only against the rules but attracts vermin of all types.
  Dropping crumbs (JAKZ) or seed (bird feeders) is dangerous and attracts all the wrong sorts of vermin.  The bird feeder in the field should be sufficient for your viewing needs. And you can always invest in a pair of really powerful binoculars to view the grackles that visit the feeding station in the field.
Nature at it's finest!

 
We are all aware of the extreme drought in South Texas. 
 Edinburg has issued some directives: 
Washing cars never...and homes or RV’s 
on designated days only, for instance.  
And parking cars on grass...
well, if we could water there WOULD be grass, 
but still...it’s a no-no.
 No-no to parking, 
no-no to watering grass.
Heaven forbid water trickles down the street!
We must cut back...if not we won't even have enough water for flushing!  It'll be like living on a Carnival cruise ship!
A suggestion:  Instead of drinking 64 ounces of water a day, cut back!  Substitute beer, you'll be happier, and save water.
 And bathing?  
Instead go for a swim.
 The chlorine will kill any bacteria.
 

The counting of how many pets you have is
undergoing a tweak. 
Does a 75 pound bull dog really equal a 4 pound Chihuahua?
 From now on a pet weight limit will be imposed on each household.  If your number is 75 pounds, for instance, 
you could have up to 18 Chihuahuas with a bit left over. 
And if your dogs get fat, well, put them on a diet!

 
To control the never ending increasing cost of garbage removal several steps have been implemented in the past. 
 Dumping garden branches into the burn pile,
 saving up non-garbage for Angel’s truck, etc. 
 All have worked well, yet still we are spending WAY
 to much every week for removal. 
 That is why a pay-as-you-dump arm will be installed over the dumpster door.  There will be a charge per bag, paid for by tokens which you can pick up in the office during regular office hours (check the office schedule-we are closed for lunch or afternoons or weekends, and there are reduced hours for summer, however we are there for you, just call to leave a message). 
 The token cost will be deducted from your activity account.

 
Now these rules, at first glance, may seem harsh, but remember they are for your own good.  To enforce them we are asking for some “tough love” police...bounty hunters if you will.  

 
If you see neighbors breaking any of these rules please turn them in.  

You will be rewarded by a Best Member award.  

When you have accrued enough awards you can redeem them for a senior drink in Flip Flopz...a special award will be given to water bounty hunters.  If you spy a neighbor wasting that liquid gold and turn him in, you will receive an extra ration of water for the week.

 Get your BM Award and join the CaCa Club...

Caring Adults with Cheerful Attitudes!
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April 1st, 2014
Big Bug!!!

Did you hear all the ruckus from our end of the park yesterday? 
You know Jay & Karen have bought Kate & Stretch's mobile.  They are having it removed and the Taj Mahal of mobiles brought in later.  Well, the movers have been preparing the old home for removal and have disturbed....something.

You may remember I found a tarantula in one of my kitchen cupboards awhile back. 

 Grossed me out and scared me to death. 
 
 Juan, our trusty bug guy, set traps and thankfully no spiders had returned...until yesterday!

 When doing my daily walk around the garden this morning look what I discovered!

 

  Juan says this is a new threat to the valley and only a small handful have been reported..so far. 

 It's a new spider call the Angolan Witch Spider.
They migrated from South America.
In Texas they primarily eat dogs and cats. 
 
 It took several gun shots to kill it, and the house movers helped.

If you want to read more about the Texas invasion of the Angolan Witch Spider click here.