Women's Water VolleyBall Clinic

How To Be A Snob: Drinking Alcohol

Well, we've had a beer tasting. Last night there was a S'More tasting at the new Fire Pit Garden. There is wine tasting and cheese tasting yet to come. During the beer tasting instructions it was just touched on: How to Taste! Now, if you want to be really classy you've got to have an attitude. You want to look all cultured and give opinions. Here is a short course on

How To Be A Snob!

This will work with wine, with beer, even cheese with a bit of tweaking...go for it!

Step 1: Smell the Drink.

Stick your nose into the glass. Sniff deeply, then close your eyes as though you're processing a lot of things simultaneously. Even if you smell nothing, act as though this drink is a cornucopia of sensations and you're sorting through all of them.

Do not speak. Scent is pretty easy to verify, so if you guess wrong then everyone will know what a yutz you are. If someone ventures their own review as to what it smells like, frown as though you're too busy concentrating on this intense bouquet to interrupt it with stupid words. This automatically gives you the edge, since as a connoisseur you know enough not to discuss anything until the full tasting is over.

Step 2: Drink the Drink.

Take a mid-sized sip, then roll it around in your mouth. Don't swish - that's for chumps - but kind of splash it around on your tongue. Then - and this is the most important part - hold the glass away from you at an angle. Freeze as though your entire body is concentrated upon analyzing this taste in your mouth. Narrow your eyes and look upwards as you pretend to process this beverage, taking your time as you give every impression of savoring the flavor. After a minute, bob your head just a little, as though coming to a conclusion.

Step 3: Finish the Drink.

Swallow it and then open your mouth, breathing in. Some people claim they can feel the drink mutate upon their palate as the air rushes over their tongue; they are liars, but convincing ones. And now you can be one of them. Nod again.

Step 4: Decide Upon Your Pronouncement.

Now, to understand how to be a proper snob, you must understand two things about taste:

1) Taste is a bell curve.

2) Nobody knows what they're talking about.

The first point is easy; you don't taste everything all at once. There's actually a rise and flow to the taste process, starting from when the food touches your tongue, building to the intense mid-section, and then dropping off into an aftertaste.

In the case of a McDonald's hamburger, what you'd taste first would be the squishiness of the bread and the over salted burger, rising to the chewy dog food of the burger itself as you mash it around, ending with that greasy oil slick that coats your throat at the end. You may never experience this yourself, but trust me when I say that it does happen. You just gulped some wine, but the foodies experienced a three-act play in their taste buds. So you must be aware of this flow.

The second part involves understanding that taste is an intensely personal experience, which is to say that you can say pretty much anything and nobody knows any better. In fact, unless you're drinking with a sommelier who knows what she's doing - in which case let her tell you what's in it and nod a lot - then everyone is afraid that maybe they're the ones who don't know what they're doing.

If you say, "I taste a faint hint of paprika," they don't go, "Wow, what a liar" - they become paranoid because they don't taste it. Maybe you're the guy with the super taste buds who catches everything.

There they are, sipping this drink and only getting a third of its full bouquet, and if they really had the genetics to appreciate it the way that you do they would taste paprika. You can say anything. You think people taste oak in a wine? Of course not. Who the hell eats oak? These guys want you to think they're walking around taking bites out of dogwood trees so they can tell what kind of barrel the wine came from - they're awful, awful fakers. And if they can tell you what country the oak came from, the first note you should mark in their aroma is seething, overwhelming crap. So fake away!

But there are guidelines. First, if you're faking it, everything is faint - you want to talk in terms of hints, notes, and shades. Give the impression that you only barely caught this delicate wisp of a flavor because you were concentrating so intensely back in Step 2. You want to let them tell you what the overwhelming taste of the drink is; it's your job to bat clean-up and talk about stuff they might have missed.

Second, some flavors are better than others. Paprika is actually a bad example, since that's a spice. Generally, you want to only talk about flowers and fruits, with maybe some hints of leafy spices when you want to show off. ("Mint" is bad, but "oregano" can be gotten away with if you're an expert.) The only exception is beer, where you want to talk about breads and chocolate flavors; starches are good for beers.

And remember: natural is better than fake.

GOOD: "I taste a hint of blackberry."

BAD: "The tang of Fruit Roll-Ups."

So pick a taste, and pick a place - which is to say it's at the beginning or the end of the curve. (You never want to taste anything in the middle, where the intense flavors are.)

When in doubt, go with blackberry. It shows up everywhere.

Step 5: Making Your Pronouncement

When you speak, speak slowly, as though you're coming to a conclusion. Then break out with it.
"I taste a hint of blackberry just at the finish."

Either people will agree with you, or they won't. If they agree with you, great! They don't taste it, either. You can now tell them you're catching a splash of Strawberry Go-Gurt in the fourth and down, and they'll just nod and stare. You have bollixed a bunch of clueless snobs; take a bow!

If they don't agree, then frown a little. They won't ever say, "Bull! You faker!" Instead, they'll say, "Really? I don't taste that...."

Stick to your guns. You caught it. Take another sip as though to confirm, repeat the process and say, "No. Still there for me. Not for you, though?" Then laugh about how weird taste is, that some folks catch things that others don't. Then spend the rest of the evening nodding and agreeing with the other snobs, only occasionally venturing a guess, because if you spend the entire evening contradicting them then the game is up.

And that's it! By the end of the lesson you can now stare quietly at the ceiling and talk about the bouquet along with the rest of us awful, awful liars.

Now you, too, can fake anyone out. Remember: use this power only for good, never evil.

Apologies to Bob & Bernie-True Wino's who do "taste the oak!"

Beer, Baby, Beer!

Last night was another fabulous EVENT! Our annual OctoberFest, uhhh, NovemberFest. Bob & Bernie, John & Sue swept off their patios to host a big crowd of slurpers and burpers. I say slurpers and burpers because despite my instruction on the proper way to taste beer....swirl, sniff, sniff, sniff, then sip, savor, swallow...most were of the 'knock it back and ask for more' persuasion.

What a sweet variety of beer we had. Everything from dark homemade nectar to

golden drops from the world's oldest brewery.

A short course on beer history and trivia started the afternoon. The beer quiz had everyone shouting out the answers. There are some serious students of beer facts here at Sandpiper's,

but no one more up to date on beer than Chris #312.

He won with his superior knowledge

(and forethought to research the answers!)

His prize? A Beer Cookbook and haute couture beer koozie.

John & Sue, dressed in their Sunday best, opened their screen porch

where finger foods of all kinds were enjoyed.

Some just could not resist the allure of The St. Paulie Girl! Yes, the resemblance is amazing!Oh George, we hardly know you!

To all those hit with the marshmallow gun...surprise!

Come to tonight's S'More Party at the FirePit Garden and I'll shoot you again!

7pm, bring a chair, your beverage, and a singing voice. We have a banjo picker/guitar strummer to accompany us with fire side songs.

Activities is providing the S'More makings, but you might bring a stick, metal coat hanger or long fork to toast your marshmallows.

After the Election

A reminder. If you haven't already, go back and read the comments at the bottom of the blogs.

They are most entertaining and one of the primary reasons for doing this blog in the first place. Also, don't hesitate to leave a comment yourselves. It is easy. Just fill out the comment box, then pick an I.D. which ranges from your google name and password all the way to anonymous.

Now....go read the limericks from the previous post. Talk about hysterical!

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I received this thought provoking email from Patsy, which got me

remembering my own history.

Care to share yours?

From Patsy:

The election is over, and I have been reflecting on its meaning. All of the pundits have been referring to this election as "historic." This is certainly true in two main ways--an African-American presidential nominee and the Republican nomination of a woman for vice-president. I would like to look at this election in a more personal way.

I was born in 1938 and grew up in Ft. Worth, Texas, a completely segregated city. Everything was divided into black and white: the schools, the swimming pools, the parks, the bus and train stations, the cemeteries, the movie theaters, the hospitals, the churches, the doctor's offices, the funeral homes, the neighborhoods, and the restaurants, diners, and coffee shops.

When my mother and I went downtown to shop (there were no malls back then), there were two water fountains by the elevators. One was labeled "Colored" and one "White."

I always wondered what would happen if I drank out of the wrong one. Being a child, I imagined that an alarm would sound and I would be arrested or something. So, of course, I never tried it or even asked. In public places, there had to be four restrooms divided by race and gender. (You can figure it out.) In smaller businesses, there were usually no restrooms for blacks at all.

There was a very popular barbecue restaurant in what was called "Colored Town" called The Big Apple. Many whites ate there, but blacks were not allowed inside. They could go to a window in the back of the restaurant and order food to go. It may have been the original "Take Out" in Ft. Worth.

I was never in a classroom with an African-American student until I started teaching in San Antonio in 1962. (San Antonio was integrated early and never had the racial conflicts that other southern cities had.)

This was the norm, and I accepted it. When I was in the 8th grade my parents and I moved, and I rode a city bus across town to and from school each day. The white people sat in the seats from the back door to the front. The black people had to sit from the back door to the rear. Of course, there are fewer seats back there. There was no sign or marker indicating this fact. Everyone just knew. Sometimes the seats at the back of the bus would all be taken, and black people had to stand crammed in the aisle in their section. The front of the bus might have plenty of empty seats, but no black people sat there, ever.

In 1968, I was teaching American History to 10th graders, and we were studying the Civil Rights Movement. I was telling the class about all these things I have written about here. The students seemed very involved in my lecture. When I got to the part about the buses, one young man raised his hand and said, "Mrs. Thompson, what did you do about it?"

There was a long silence on my part. I finally said, "Nothing." I went on to explain how I was just 13 years old and didn't think I could do anything about it even though it seemed unfair. That seemed like a lame excuse at the time and still does today.

Patsy 108

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From me:

I grew up as an Air Force Brat in communities as diverse as a Washington D.C,. suburb to an Alaskan outpost to Hawaii. The suburbs were white, the schools were white-never a black face seen socially. I just didn't think about it much when I was really young. In 8th grade, in Alaska, there were a few black kids in my on-base school. We walked home together and shared gripes about parents, worries about boys. It was naturally occurring, it just happened. Nobody said I couldn't or shouldn't.

When we returned to the lower 48, in high school, I started becoming aware of the hatred and segregation in the south ... and elsewhere, too, but THE SOUTH was in all the papers as the truly evil center of the universe. I vowed I would never go THERE!

Who knew?! I spent 20 years in the New Orleans area. Whether it was the times, or the area, I got to know a lot more African-Americans personally. Families just like mine. Mothers, kids, daddies.

There is evil everywhere. My own father told me in all sanctimonious seriousness, "I will dig a ditch alongside a Negro but I will never invite him into my house." And he felt proud of himself admitting he would work along side a black man.

Maybe we will stop seeing the differences and just connect with similarities, someday.

SueZ #38

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Tuesday Bike Ride & A Poetry Challenge!

Another beautiful day for a bike ride. We again drove over to Mission to take advantage of their wonderful bike trail. The whole trail is asphalted and rolls thru secluded brush and along a canal.

As we started we were filmed by a gent with a video camera standing alongside a Bike Policeman. I think we are going to be used in a Mission Police web site...will keep my eyes open.


And yes, I again had mechanical problems.

This time the chain fell off. Local wisdom says my @?%$*!# is warped and I need a new bike.

I should always travel with my own pit crew.

About halfway down the 6 mile trail we stopped to watch the big earth movers work on the levee for the border wall. This is also where Jim and I turned around. While the rest finished the trail we hustled over to Academy to look at bikes.

Before leaving I took one more picture of the group as they trailed off into the blue, blue sky. Donna #221 continued taking pictures and got some gorgeous ones at the entrance to Bentsen State Park.

After checking bikes at Academy we met the group for lunch at Pepe's.

Yummy, as usual, and boyoboy, did that beer taste good!

We were hungry, thirsty, and happy to sit in the almost empty palapa, where there was a cool breeze blowing off the river.

Next week....Nov 11, South Padre Island. Meet at the SPI Convention Center at 10:30am. Ride will be down to the jetties and back viewing the beach side one way and the bay side the other. 15 miles round trip and all paved. Questions? See Lanny or Donna #16.

I understand the shopping is as big a draw as the ride.

I'm not going unless I GET A NEW BIKE, Jim!

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I just got an email from Bill #3 who offers up this limerick to Tony #40 and challenges the rest of us to follow.

"Hey Tony, have you tried penning a limerick? How 'bout this one?"
Bill

There once was a old man called the slimer
whom the volleyball game did primer.
He hits the ball with his fist
if we miss we are pissed.
Thanks for the games old timer.

So...I put on my thinking cap. It's not that easy doing a limerick. The rules are the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines have to rhyme and have 9 beats each. Dirty limericks are usually funnier that clean ones. And it's not easy to make sense.

To inspire me I remembered the news story we were talking about at Happy Hour recently: The story about the lady who tried to smuggle several pounds of her favorite chorizo sausage in her babies diapers, which she had wadded up on the floor of her car. Did she really think the sniffer dogs were gonna be fooled?

I am NOT including a photo even tho the newspaper did. Just picture a folded diaper with several coils of brown, glistening sausage...words are enough, don't you think. She paid a hefty fine, AND they took her sausage.

Anyway...here is my limerick. Not entirely happy with it, but maybe it will inspire some of you to respond.

There once was a man from Sandpipers,

We're glad he wears dresses not diapers.

Because that would mean,

Chorizo smelled but not seen,

Crossing borders has never been riper.

OK, Poets, go to it!

Halloween Round-up & A Beer Quiz

If you read the previous blog entry you know that Bob #514 won the prize during Friday night's Halloween bash for Best Male Costume. What you don't know is

what a big gun he has.

Now I could make some tasteless remark about...oh, I don't know...shooting blanks , maybe, but that would be, ummm, below the belt. This is a high class blog, so all I'll say is...Nice gun, Bob.

And, I have heard through my stringer, also known as my neighbor, the "Orca Wannabe of the Pool", that the true story of the famous "Ironing Board Incident" is being asked for, with no editorial bias.

I can do that.

But first, in all fairness, since I did put up the Man-Pigs in all their glorious tutu-ness...I give you ....The Witches of Sandpiper's! Now...on to the ironing.

A few years ago we did a craft project here at Sandpiper's that required a cart load of supplies. There were tubs of fabric and trim, the iron and aforementioned board, scissors, etc.
Floozy Koozies. Cute, personalized can and bottle holders, trimmed with all kinds of doo-dads. Cute-cute!

I had parked my golf cart outside the shower house, in the regular golf cart parking area, so loading all the "stuff" back into the cart after the project was easy, if a bit jammed. But I had help...also a witness. So what happened is etched in my memory forever. Even though I have tried to forget, Orca-Man has made that impossible, as Orca-Man's wife was the witness....AND CO-CONSPIRATOR!

It happened like this.

We shoved the ironing board into the front seat...the drivers seat...of the golf cart. How were we to know that ironing boards have a secret desire to drive golf carts? It rammed it's legs onto the pedal and ZOOM, the cart crashed forward right thru the guard rail! Smashed the wood to smithereens! We were horrified, but quickly, looking around, saw no witnesses!

We, at first, being traumatized by the whole destructive nature of the accident, fantasized about fleeing to Mexico...but no, we fessed up. A little later that day, true. but we did fess up. Well, wait a minute. I fessed up. Guess you are outed now, Sue P.

Anyway...that's how I remember it. For a long while my cart sported this sign...now you know, The Rest of the Story.

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This Thursday, at B&B's and S&J's, there is to be

an EVENT!

A park wide beer tasting Happy Hour. You've seen the poster, I hope, down at the pavilion...here it is to refresh your memories.

Now...here is the quiz.

Bring the answers, or at least think about the answers, to THE EVENT.

There may just be a prize in store for the one that gets them all right.

1. This brand is known as the 'King of Beers'.
Kirin
Stroh's
Budweiser
Foster's

2. What brew is known as 'The Champagne of Bottled Beers'?
Leinenkugel's
Miller High Life
Genessee
Lone Star

3. This beer was once advertised as being 'From the Land of Sky Blue Waters'.
Buckhorn
Lucky Lager
Hamm's
Knickerbocker

4. This famous European brand uses a red star as part of its logo.
Spaten
Becks
Heineken
Grolsch

5. This brand uses the slogan 'It's The Water'.
Tuborg Gold
Burgermeister
Olympia
Ballentine's

6. This beer was named after an American President's brother.
Jebby's Hanging Chad Porter
Uncle Ted's Red
Billy Beer
Roger's Arkansas Bitters

7. This brewer once had an ad campaign that proclaimed that their beer was 'Good For You'.
Newcastle
Bass
Guinness
Smithwick's

8. In the TV show 'Laverne and Shirley', where did the girls work?
Shotz Brewery
Hossenpheffer Incorporated
Pabst Brewery
Plank Road Brewery

9. This is the ingredient in beer that causes fermentation to take place.
water
yeast
hops
malted barley

10. This is the national beer of Jamaica.
Rastafarian
Trench Town
Dread Lock Bock
Red Stripe

11. This product was touted as 'The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous'
Schlitz
Heilmann's Olde Style
Pabst Blue Ribbon
Coors

12. Which city hosts the outrageous festival of beer drinking known as Oktoberfest?
Vienna
Amsterdam
Munich
Warsaw

13. To whom did Anheuser-Busch send the first case of Budweiser beer produced after the repeal of prohibition in 1933?
Franklin D. Roosevelt
W.C. Fields
Strom Thurmond
Henry Ford

14. This brewery is owned by Fritz Maytag, scion of the famous washing machine family.
Pearl Brewing Company
Sierra Nevada Brewing Company
Anchor Brewing Company
Boston Brewing Company

15. This person is recognized by the Roman Catholic Church as the patron saint of brewers.
Saint Blaise
Saint Arnulf of Metz
Saint Christopher
Saint Anthony of Padua

Good Luck!

The Beginning of a Brand New Season!

What a weekend! Many of the Sandpiper family made it back for the Halloween Party. Old friends, new friends, fiends and ghouls...what a great beginning to the new winter season.

There was a costume parade thru the pavilion ending in announcement of the winners. Ann #322 won Best Female Costume with her interpretation of The Joker, complete with a demonstration killing Batman (Bob #322).

Best male costume went to Bob #514, dressed as a cowboy. His makeup was a riot...and the chaps...well, you wouldn't sit on a horse like that, would you Bob?

Best couple award went to Bruce & Mariana, dressed as ghouls...Mariana, how did you keep those teeth in your mouth?



Then there was a special award to the Witches & Pigs (of which I am one, by the way).

The theme for our costumes is based on the Joker card game we play on Friday nights. We are divided into two teams, men against the women, thus pigs and witches...we get a little rowdy sometimes in our battle of the sexes.

The Pigs and Witches did a little skit after the judging.

I, for one, will never forget the sight of these "piggies' twirling in their tutu's!

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The FunBuzz Happy Hour had a huge attendance...offer wine and they will come!

Upcoming events were discussed and several prizes awarded. I gave away two sets of lunch tickets to winners of this summer's contests...one pair to Kathie #106, for winning the 48 Hour Blog Comment Contest. The other pair to Toni & Paul #46, winners of the Blog Birthday/Anniversary contest.

John #5 gave away lunch tickets for monthly winners of the Newsletter Birthday/Anniversary Contest too. He is going to pull a name every month, so get your birthday/anniversary

dates to him. There will be lots of lunches and breakfasts coming up to use these food tickets.

Get your names in the pot!

The big awards were given to three winners of the Blog Ideas/Movie Mania contest. I ran this contest all summer. Anyone who participated in the Movie Mania blog, or who sent me any ideas I could use for blog topics, was put on a numbered list. I then ran random.org to pick the winners.

The winners of the huge, fluffy, bath sheets embroidered with the Sandpiper logo were....drum roll, please!

Mariana (I have your prize at my house#38)

Tony #40

Ken #212

Congratulations...and thanks everybody for making the first 5 months

of the SandPaper such a success!

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Karen was so impressed by the Garden Party that she immediately rushed out shopping, and with Tony's(#40), help brought back this fire pit.

Later this week there will be an inauguration with an evening get together...perhaps a S'More Party or roasting marshmallows. Won't the crackling flames bring back 'camping' memories?
Reminds me of that favorite Christmas classic, Toenails Roasting by an Open Fire.

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Karen has a nice little surprise for you. She wants each family to come to the office and pick up a Sandpiper calender. There are eight different scenes from which to choose...something for everyone. To give you a head start on this difficult decision, here are the eight choices.

One calender per family please. Pick one up at the office.